We Will Sit With You in the Dark

Written by: Blu Honeycutt, our Peer Support Specialist

It has been a little over year since I got certified as a Peer Support Specialist. I’d like to think that I’ve been able to help some people within this time. I’ve sat with many people through the darkest moments and been able to celebrate with them during their wins.

My first client was young woman named Candi. She and I had known each other from the Healing Transitions, and from being homeless on the streets together. Her mother had passed away and she hadn’t seen her kids in quite a while. She had been carrying around her mother’s ashes, but finally decided to let us hold them for her at the center so nothing would happen to them while she was roofless.

She came to the office one day and said that it was her mother’s birthday, and she wanted to get her mother’s ashes so she could spend some time with her. She took the ashes and made her way down the hall. I gave it about 10 minutes, went to go find her and didn’t see her in the building.
I stepped out the door and saw her lying in the parking lot, with her mother’s ashes in front of her. She was crying harder than I have ever seen someone cry. I knew there was nothing I could say to her to comfort her. So I just laid down in the parking lot with her. I didn’t say a word. I just laid there with her. And that is what we do, we sit in the dark with people when they need us.

I eventually convinced her to get up off the ground, and that we could do something today to change the outcome of tomorrow. She had been fighting with her addiction for a while and I told her I would stand by her to help her do whatever she wanted to do to get clean. We started by getting her to Wakebrook.

While she was there I got phone calls from her every day, and I encouraged her to find a place for treatment before she left there. She wanted to get out of Raleigh because she needed a real change. 2 days before she was to be discharged from Wakebrook, she had decided where she wanted to go. She found a place in Florida that had beds available. She got in contact with the lady that was caring for her kids and let her know what was going on.

The day she was discharged I met her at the Greyhound Station. She was nervous, excited, scared and sad all in one. I was just simply proud. She was making big changes. I hugged her a million times and squeezed as hard as I could. I told her to get there, settled and we would mail her mother’s ashes to her. I stood inside and watched her walk out the door towards the buses. She was standing with her children’s guardian talking to her and I was thinking to myself, “She’s good. You can go ahead and go.” But the second I was about to walk away, she turned and looked over her shoulder and waved at me one last time and blew me a kiss. I had stayed just long enough.

She contacted me a when she got there and was overjoyed with everything. She asked us to go ahead and send her mother’s ashes so we got them safely packed up and mailed to her. Then I lost track of her for a few months.
As I was scrolling thru Facebook one day I came across her profile. I was beaming! She looked so good! So healthy!!! She was not the same Candi that gotten on that bus. I friend requested her and have stayed in contact with her ever since. She’s been through ups and downs but still holds strong. That’s what I love about her.

March 13th made a year clean for her! I couldn’t be more proud of her. Every time I gave her a suggestion she went for it. Head first. She doesn’t give up and she works really hard every day. Just knowing that I was able to help her along this journey, and to see all the wonderful things she has done, tells me that I’m doing something right.

Love Always Wins!

Seasons of Change

Here at Love Wins, when the season changes we find that the needs change too. Since Hurricane Florence came through, a lot of our folks have had runny noses, coughs, and have been going to the emergency room because they don’t feel well. In turn, they have needed help getting medications filled.

We have an account with Person Street Pharmacy, and they are amazing with us. We have the ability to help our community get medications that they normally wouldn’t be able to get. We try to make sure that they get all that we can provide to help them live happy, healthy lives. Sometimes that means they need their psychiatric medications, and sometimes that means a RIT lice kit.

We are blessed to have a place that tries to accommodate us with all of the help that they can provide for us, however, over the past month or so we have run up a bill with them for close to $300. We pay little bits at a time as we can. If you want to help us with any of that bill you can go to Person Street Pharmacy and tell them you want to help pay some of the bill for Love Wins Community Engagement Center.

We have also noticed the need for coats, hand warmers and toe warmers have started. Over the past week the temperatures have started to drop at night into the 60’s. For most people that sounds like a great break from the summer heat, but for our roofless community members that means that they are outside in the evenings when the dew falls on them. Then the temperature drops, so they are outside, wet, and chilly. The hand warmers and toe warmers are one of the best things we can provide for the chilly autumn nights. The warmers don’t take up much space in their belongings, and they last for almost 8 hours. The need for coats is a thing that will only grow from here. As the nights get colder, then so will the days. Right now we don’t have any long sleeved shirts and are running low on long warm pants, so if you are going to do a closet purge, we would love to have any of your unwanted autumn/winter clothes.

We love what we do at Love Wins CEC. We want our community to be the best version of themselves that they can be.  We are firm believers in relationship building and one on one conversations. Everyone’s needs are different, so it takes a variety of different resources to try and help them navigate the crazy world of homelessness. We do all that we can. If we take just a few minutes out of the day to sit and talk to someone about what is going on in their life, then they don’t feel like they have been just passed by for the day.

They want be acknowledged. We will acknowledge them.

If you would like to donate to our bill at Person Street Pharmacy, click here, or go on down there and tell them that you would like to help someone at Love Wins with life-saving medication.  

Big Wins in Peer Support

I have to share with the Universe what the Wins of Love Wins look like from my eyes as a Peer Support Specialist

Yesterday I had a guy who had been clean for 5 months and was struggling to find a safe place to stay clean and sober. I made a phone call to the Healing Transitions and spoke with the Peer Support Specialist and made arrangements for him to be able to go and get in their program. This gentleman showed up this morning with all the praise about how amazing it is over there and that he finally felt like he was in the right spot to stay clean. I was so thrilled.

After I spoke with this guy about the HT I checked the mail and there was a letter for the man that I had been trying to get enrolled into Wake Tech. HE WAS ACCEPTED!! He gets to start his education this spring! He was so happy that we both broke out into tears. We have time to find him the things he needs to attend school, and help him better his life!

Followed by that, I saw a young lady that had been having a hard time getting to her appointment to get her back on her meds. She had been looking very sad and down for the past week. I made sure the other day that she had what she needed to get to her appointment. When she walked up this morning she had a huge smile on her face and tears in her eyes. She made it to her appointment had gotten her meds. She was back to her old self and it was beautiful to see! She thanked me for helping her out and I told her that that’s why I love my job!

I know first hand what it feels like to be overlooked and ignored because you’re homeless. Hugh Hollowell acknowledged me when I was homeless. He saw that I wanted to do something about my situation and he gave me a chance to do that. Just being there and understanding me was enough that I was able to stand up and do something different. Because of that relationship he built with me, I am now able to work here at the center and give back what he so freely gave to me: hope. He gave me hope that I wasn’t going to have to be alone and homeless forever, and now I’m able to share that hope with others.

I’ve cried alot this morning already. Happy tears. Love truly Wins.

An Uplifting Friend

Being the Peer Support Specialist at Love Wins Community Engagement Center gives me a look into the lives of our community members with a unfiltered eye. I get the opportunity to sit with quite a few of them on a one on one basis, learning their hardships, what makes them who they are and why they are in the positions they are in. My job is to listen with no judgement and a open heart.

Ally* was 19, living alone in a tent after her boyfriend went to jail. We did our best at Love Wins for her to get her resources, but there was only so much we could do. So we threw it out to the Universe (and Facebook!) that this young girl was alone in the woods and had potential to do great things if given the chance.

Someone reached out to me the next morning and offered to help. I got up, put on my shoes and started looking for her – our people are hard to track down at times. I managed to find her at The Oak City Outreach Center. As soon as I told her what was going on I could see the excitement in her eyes.
Ally was being given a chance. I went with her to go talk to a couple of people about a place to lay her head for a little bit and the possibilities of jobs. She got to take a shower, eat a good meal, and sleep in a safe environment.

For the next week I saw her less than I normally do, but I knew she was going to be ok. She checked in with me regularly and let me know that she was making new friends. I was so happy for her.
For our folks, living arrangements can change fast, and they did for Ally. I got a phone call at 10:30PM that she was going to be outside, in downtown Raleigh.

I got out of bed and put my shoes on. I wasn’t going to let her stay downtown with nowhere to go. I would have wanted someone to come be with me, to answer to my call when I was homeless, alone, and unprepared. I know the gut feeling you get alone at night as a young woman. I told her to stay where she was I was coming to her.

I was walking so fast I was probably running. I told her it would take me 20 minutes, tops, to get to her, but I was determined to get there before 15. I think I ended up getting there in 12. As I walked up over the little hill I could see her in the distance in her bright blue interview blouse she had worn all day while job hunting. She did a little hop and started in my direction.
I let out a sigh of relief when I knew she was safe, but now we had to discuss what was our next move, which was to get Ally a safe place for the night.
By 5:30 the next morning she was up and going. We developed a list of things that she needed to do that day and we sent her on her way. She hustled hard that day, found a side job to make a little cash and was able to find a safe place to be. All on her own.

It’s not the place she wants to be but it’s a safe place to be for now. She has a job working on Saturdays and Sundays and every now and again she picks up a side gig. She hasn’t given up. She won’t give up. Even though she looks like a porcelain doll, she definitely isn’t, for she can’t be broken.
Ally* and I will keep doing what we can to keep her moving forward. And I’ll be there with her as her friend that uplifts her. As Hugh Hollowell put it so beautifully once, “I may not be able to pay your light bill, but I’ll come sit in the dark with you”.

I will sit in the dark with her. Or anyone else that doesn’t want to go through it alone. That is what I do. I am a Peer Support Specialist.

This is What SUCCESS Feels Like

This blog was written by Blu Honeycutt, our Peer Support Specialist.  To read more about Blu’s journey, click here for her very first blog post, or here for her blog about getting her first glasses in years.  

This Friday, June 8th 2018, will be 2 years that I have been a dopeless hope fiend, and looking back on what I have accomplished in those two years is amazing. I now have a full time job that I love. I have an apartment that I pay for all on my own. I get to see my kids regularly. And I have a network of people that believe in me.

I was sleeping in Mount Hope graveyard for the first 4 months or so of my recovery. I wanted to stay clean but knew I couldn’t be around other people that used, so I decided to isolate myself from the rest of the world. On that journey, I stayed in tents on the Greenway, slept under sidewalks at Moore Square, hid behind churches at night ’cause there was no where for me to go that would be safe from me.

When I found Love Wins, it was like the universe told me, “this is your new place to call home.” I could get warm food, take a nap, have someone notice that I was alive. I had started to earn a little money by flying a cardboard sign, and I started putting it into a savings account… I wanted out of that tent.

I used some of the money to pay for essential oils, made custom blended oils and sold them. I was hand-making business cards at Love Wins, when one of the staff members saw all the hard work I was putting into them. They passed around a hat to a bunch of other homeless people and asked them if they could spare any change, ’cause they wanted to help me get business cards ordered. By that afternoon everyone pitched in, and I had “Blu’s Bottles” business cards up and running.

I managed to save enough money to get an apartment, so I came back to Love Wins again. “I need help finding a place to live. I have money.”
That’s all I had to say, and they started helping me look. A week later I got an e-mail from Hugh telling me to come see him. He pulled me to back office and told me the good news: they had found a place I could rent and afford, but I HAD to show that I had money to do this. I moved into my apartment 2 days later on July 18, 2017!!

As I left the center that day with a shower curtain, pots and pans, I heard Alyssa tell someone that I was a success story. I went from living in a tent to having my own apartment. I was a SUCCESS!! I did something worth being proud of, and other people were proud of me too. When you are able to succeed at a goal, and get to see it happen, it is an amazing feeling that can’t be replaced.  I have had the wonderful opportunity to watch it happen for other people while i have worked here too.

I’m gonna tell you a little bit about Freddie. He was a gentleman that came to Love Wins on his last string. He had a loss in his family, and he was far away from them. He was from Florida. Alone, and not sure what to do or where to start, he came to me and asked if we could just talk. It turned into a friendship that will always stay with me.

Freddie cutting hair at the center.

He needed work. So I found him a list of hair salons that were hiring. He needed somewhere to sleep. So i gave him the address to the shelter. He needed someone to listen. So i just sat with him. I began to see him almost everyday and watched his confidence grow each time I saw him. He eventually got a full time job at Sports Clips and even got himself into an Oxford house. He came back to Love Wins once or twice a week and cut our community’s hair for free. I was so proud to watch him grow as a human being again.

He came to us last week, to tell us that he had a medical emergency and he had to get back to Florida. He could actually afford to pay for himself to get a Greyhound ticket, and it was an amazing thing to see him doing self care. As Peer Support Specialist for Love Wins, that is my biggest thing for our folks. Self Care. He had done it! He is a SUCCESS!!

This is what makes my job so awesome! I get to see people take a journey that is similar to mine and succeed at making it out the other side. It can be done with the right people around you, and support in all your hopes. We see some people just once and they disappear, but then once in a “Blu” moon (hehehe), we get to have someone like this remind us of why we do what we do. We help people become human again and build meaningful relationships.
Love Never Fails, It Always Wins!!

If you would like to contribute to Blu providing continued support to our community members, click here to donate to our Peer Support Fund.  

A Whole New World

I spent a good amount of my life just “dealing” with my eye sight. I had noticed there were problems, but nothing I couldn’t handle by just closing one eye or squinting really hard. I was prescribed eye glasses when I was in elementary school but refused to wear them because I hated the way I looked in them. There were plenty of times I couldn’t see but I just didn’t say anything. I knew that it would come down to having to get my eyes checked and get glasses again.

Through my adolescence and adult life, I had a few different pairs of glasses, and it seemed to help but over time I either lost them or didn’t wear them. I was in my mid-twenties when I started to notice that I was starting to see a gray spot in my left eye. I didn’t want to address it because my father had a blind spot in his eye, and it made me nervous that I’d suffer the same fate.

I was blessed to have gotten this amazing job at Love Wins, but that also entails me having to read e-mails and look at tiny numbers on a daily basis. It became more and more difficult to deal with my sight. As I was sitting at my desk one day, Hugh asked me why I was sitting so close to my computer screen to read a blog. It was time to tell the truth.

I started to explain the situation to him and I could see the look on his face. He seemed stunned that I had been handling this, and not saying anything to anyone about how bad my sight really was. That afternoon he took me to make an appointment to have my eyes checked again. It scared me. I was worried that I was going to be told I was going to have to wear an eye patch to read or something like that.  I made an appointment for the next day.

When I showed up for my appointment the next day it was a mixture of excitement and stress. The doctor took me back and began to tell me that it sounded like a problem that could be fixed. As he went through the routine test I began to see clearer and clearer. I honestly teared up and began to cry as he got to the end of the test. I could see! I wasn’t going to have to see a spot for the rest of my life. He informed me that I had a severe astigmatism in my left eye that reflects the light differently than normal shaped eyes would. With just the right lens, and a prescription, I didn’t have to worry about my sight.

A few days later, Hugh and I went to pick up my glasses. I cried, again. It was an emotional thing to see the leaves on a tree. The shape of the clouds. Seeing pebbles in the parking lot, and they had definition to them. I started reading the serial numbers on the tires of the car next to us at the stop light. I had to refrain from staring because the man in the car wasn’t understanding the amazement that I was going through.

Since I’ve had my glasses, I’ve read aloud morning e-mails from the Universe to Alyssa from the back of my office space because I can. I’m blessed to have those moments now. I see things more clearly than I ever have. And thankfully I don’t have to wear an eye patch…

Our campaign this month is “The Eyes of March”.  If you would like to help us help others experience the amazing clarity of sight, please donate here, and please bring us reading glasses and prescription glasses that we can find new owners for.  

Jersey in his newly adopted glasses. He’s been smiling ever since.

Homelessness doesn’t get a snow day

When people who have regular jobs hear cold icy weather is coming, thoughts run through their head: Do we have bread and milk? Should we put salt the driveway for the morning just in case? Am I going to make it to work? Will school be canceled?

Here at the Love Wins Community Engagement Center, our worries are different: Does everyone have a sleeping bag? Do we have enough hats? Did we give out enough hand warmers? Where are these people going to sleep tonight?

So on Wednesday when we heard nasty weather was coming, we started trying to help our community members to prepare. We handed out socks, the few sleeping bags we had, hand warmers, gloves and hats. When there were no more gloves, we gave them socks for their hands.

Some of our people go to the shelters, but quite a few don’t, and those folks would be sleeping outside. It was difficult to watch them walk out Wednesday afternoon, knowing we had done all we could to get them prepared to get through the night. The staff members had decided that we were going to do whatever it took to be open for them the next morning. They just had to get through the night.

When I woke up on January 4 to a snowy landscape, I knew I was gonna to have to walk the 2 miles to work. Our people were gonna show up, and someone needed to be there.

I started walking. It was a cold windy morning and not many people were out and about. There wasn’t much traffic and what was out was moving at a snails pace.

When I rounded the turned at Love Wins there were no foot prints in the snow, but there was one car in the parking lot with 4 community members sitting in it, waiting for me to get here.  I go through the door and plugged in the coffee and the hot water kettle for hot chocolate. Then I took a breath and shed the 4 layers of clothing I was wearing.

I knew MaRanda was coming, and Alyssa had phoned to say she was stranded with her kiddos at her apartment in the suburbs. But for right now, it was just me.

People were coming, and they were going to be cold and hungry – my thoughts turned to  starting breakfast. Something hot, something quick, and something heavy… Oatmeal! I made it with milk and coconut cream, and then added some cinnamon, brown sugar, and a little butter.

MaRanda showed up 15 mins before opening time with a ton of coats people had donated – good, because we were going to need them!

“Open the doors! Let ‘em in!”, she told me, and so I did. I ran to front and slung the door open. Only six people walked through, but boy were they happy to see us there! And we were just as happy to see them!

Throughout the day more and more people would come through. I don’t think I had gotten and given so many hugs in my life. It was a warm feeling to see our folks coming through the door saying, “I knew ya’ll would be open!” and for us we knew we had helped someone survive a really cold wet night. And the next morning, when they woke up cold and wet, they knew we would be there for them.

Homelessness doesn’t get a snow day. So neither do we.


Community- a feeling of fellowship with others, as a result of sharing common attitudes, interest, and goals.

When I come to work every day, I am blessed to be surrounded by people who are just as happy to see me as I am to see them. We can have anywhere between 50-80 people come through the door every day, and they are coming “home” when they come through that door. It’s a place they can relax, rest, eat, socialize, cut their hair, wash up, and enjoy being safe.

Our community is full or all walks of life. Each one is different, but we all have something in common, we need each other. I can sit and watch these people be themselves, and have other people around them that understand what they are going through. Hearing them laugh after a long cold wet weekend outside brings warmth to my heart. I can hear the joy they are sharing with each other, as well as the staff members.

I was told once “we are holding up walls to give them a space to be… to be themselves.” For me, that meant we were there to help allow someone to let down their guard for a moment, and just BE. In allowing them that space, they become a blooming flower; opening up and sharing with us their wins and failures, letting us into their lives like family. When it’s cold and wet outside, my heart is with them. I think about my community like my family.

I have had my share of ups and downs while working here, and the community has been there through it all. They have embraced me and picked me up when I fell, and rejoiced and loved me in my accomplishments. In return I have given many hugs to the ones that needed an extra lift that day, and did dances with others that have great things happening in their lives. When you begin to see the same faces on a daily basis, you begin to know personalities. You know who is gonna say what, and which one you can get a laugh from. I need each personality in my life, personally, to make my day complete.

Working in the kitchen, I’ve gotten to know our community in a different way; through their stomachs. We have our diabetics, our carrot allergies, our lactose intolerant, the ones that will eat anything as well as the ones who are picky. I find that knowing all these individuals and what they like or don’t like, brings me that much closer to them, and remembering all these things shows that I care for each of them, just like if they were my own family. They aren’t given many choices outside of Love Wins, so we give them as many choices as possible. I make lots of meals, and each is thought out carefully to make sure everyone is able to eat. It’s not always an easy thing to do, but it can always be done.